DEEP BREATH | RE-FOCUS

"when you are struggling in your writing (art).
it usually means you are hearing one thing. but writing (creating) another."
-- honest | risk

I stumbled across this gem on this instagram account and it struck me to my core. As part of my healing process from growing up with years of abuse, I have been slowly shedding my skins as if I had been encased in a cocoon (living in survival mode ages 0-18, I pretty much had been). I have been finding joy in things I never thought I would enjoy. I have been learning about who I am for the first time in my life, because I have been able to explore/create/admire/breathe for the first time in my life, freely. It has been so healing to find success in writing a personal blog, designing an Instagram account, modeling, and of course, continuing my art business. 

This past year, I have felt as if I've been running into a brick wall whenever I've tried to write and create. I haven't had a problem fulfilling custom orders for artwork, or scheduled posts for collaborators that I adore... but when it came to creating for me? Nothing. Blank, vast, emptiness. This has been such an odd feeling, especially coming from a background of writing lengthy blog posts and legal papers and interviewing with countless news stations--even traveling across the U.S. to work with some of them, including the Dr. Phil show. I built my voice as I shared my story countless times over the course of about two years. My vision and direction was clear as day. Then...

Scott and I were surprised with an incredible blessing: the pregnancy of our firstborn. I embraced motherhood on every level, and dove into research about what my baby and body needed from me. One of the first things that I knew I needed to do for our health: weed out any major stressors. That's when I went into hibernation mode and broke down the legal work to the bare minimum. (I wasn't going to give up fighting for my sisters, but I stopped writing and interviewing with news stations.) I went into mama bear-mode and that only became stronger with the arrival of our little baby. Doing this allowed me to focus more on other things--such as my Instagram, where I have shared words, music, photos and brands that inspire me. I have been so grateful for the ability to focus on happy things.

However...

When the focus shifted away from the harder parts of my life, a lack of depth accompanied it, along with a great piece of who I had become: my writing. Something that once came so easily to me has been lagging and difficult to create. I have longed to write more about my healing process and share inspiration and information with all who may use it (this is truly my life dream), and my heart has been yearning to continue on that path. I am full to the brim of gratitude for the paths that I have walked in recent years--and I am by no means discounting anything that I've shared recently on my social media platforms--but I am thankful for this little quote that has reminded me of something very important: 

I am hearing one thing, and writing another.

Prepare to hear more from me as I choose to tune in to the messages that have been sent my way, so that I can receive them, decipher them, and know how to better create the words and art I am meant to create for this world.

And if these words also spoke to YOU: I would recommend to cut anything out of your life that isn't serving your purpose and divine destiny. If you close your eyes, take a deep breath and picture your life heading in the direction you feel it needs to go, those things will become apparent. I wish you luck on your journey!

Brittany

@brittanyannedanger